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Friday, 16 July 2010

Games people play

disclaimer : all information provided in this write up is grossly incorrect to the very best of my knowledge. Any suicide attempts, divorce cases that may take place after this is published, should NOT be traced back to this under any known or unknown circumstances. The author regrets to inform that he won't be held responsible too.

disclaimer for previous disclaimer : this is another of my superbly disoriented and fuzzy wramblingz. A lame attempt to emulate the god like articles of uncyclopedia. Please bear with the amount of nonsense you shall behold before your eyes.

the third and ... kinda serious ... disclaimer : this is essentially a parody of all the games people go gaga over and play on something called Microsoft Windows.

1. Need for Creed. Often mistaken for Need for Speed, Need for Creed, developed by Alternative Entertainment and Sports (AE Sports), is a stunning game featuring Creed, an iconic death metal band of the early 14th century. The variants released since 1998 .. are as follows

  • Need for Creed - the first version wherein your main objective is to save Joan of Arc from the burning stake, and liberate France, thus distorting human history. Then only instrument you can use however is the Fender Stratocaster, a certain 6 string instrument, which a certain Celtic outlaw called Mummy Hendrix had immortalized. Creed band members are always there to help you use it.
  • Need for Creed 2 - the second version of the stunning game continued to fascinate people with dramatic changes in primary objectives. This time, you had to play the role of Gandalf, a wizened old wizard, who had to destroy a certain ear ring, which his ex-girlfriend had given him before breaking up. The important thing in this game is that Gandalf frequently suffers from heartaches from memories of his girlfriend, which is where the Creed part comes in. You need to choose the right Creed songs for his iPod Shuffle playlist, so as to cheer him up, and keep him free of any sort of illness while he goes on this perilous quest.  
  • Need for Creed : Bourbon - also the latest version, was the most celebrated version of NFC ever, and it required the player to help the Dark Lord, Barrack Obama, buy a packet of bourbon biscuits from Wallmart. Here the Creed band members take up part-time jobs as his body guards and you have to help defend Him while he buys the stuff.
2. Age of Vampires. Made jointly by Dissemble Studios and Microshit, often confused with a third class board game called Age of Empire (Ensemble Studios, Microsoft) is easily the greatest game ever made. Soon after its launch in 1997 it went on to win 3 BAFTAs, 4 Grammys and 1 Golden Globe. There are three versions of this game as follows.
  •  Age of Vampires : the Rise of Romance. The making of this game was a top secret affair, confined to the underworld realms of the Large Hadron Collider, in Nigeria. It is said that Edward Cullen was one of the core programmers and minds behind this game. Not surprisingly, the Twilight saga, a series of movies about gay rights, is believed to have sprouted from this game.
  • Age of Vampires : the Age of Pings. This version was mainly directed at the Linux user who checks his internet connection by typing in the terminal ping google.com It received huge acclaim because for the first time in the history of gaming, the interests of a Linux user had been considered. The game however did not run on Linux, and resulted in immediate degradation in the version of the GRUB installed on the machine.
  • Age of Vampires : the Werewolves' Expansion. This fantasy version features a red Indian wife called Aishwarya Rai, trying to convert her husband, Abhishek Bachhan to a werewolf by biting him in his sleep. You win this game if you can convert all the beggars in Bombay city to werewolves and then launch a full fledged attack on the Bollywood Film industry and punish Ram Gopal Verma for a series of mishaps.
3. Counterlike - One of the most popular games of all time, it is based on the biggest online madness ever called Facebook. Not surprisingly it is an MMORPG (Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game). It is a team game with no rules. You can do whatever you want. The idea however is to Like as many things as you can. Of course, if you feel your opponent is Liking stuff more than you, you can immediately shoot him dead and claim the crown. The popularity of the game is mainly owing to its minimal requirements ( an internet connection, Mark Zuckerberg's phone number (you need to call him up to register), and a mouse (actually a mouse button will do too) because as a great mind called Subhayan Mukerjee once said 'all it takes is a click to like'.

4. Call of Nature : Modern Shitfare 2. The most amazing game ever built, but often confused with one of Enrique Iglesias' songs, Call of Duty : Modern Warfare 2. The objectives are simple and straight forward. Eat and shit. If you shit more than your opponent you win. The game grows in difficulty as you progress because you get things like constipation. In such cases you need to poison your opponent's food , and put in stuff that hinders free bowel movement, so that he fails to shit too. You can find hidden items like laxatives and purgatives throughout the game. Therefore you need to keep an eye open, not to mention something else open too.

5. Pro Evolution Socker - This game is a heavy game and grows heavier the more you play, because you start with dry socks which tend to get wet, and increase the weight. The objective is to walk in the Calcutta Maidan without wearing shoes, but just socks. The person who walks the most in a given time interval is usually the winner. Exceptions arise when Mamata Banerjee and Buddhadeb Bhattacharya, two of the world's greatest spy agents, call for a strike. In such cases your objectives change to burning as many private buses you can. All the while however, you can wear nothing else but socks.
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